Adriana dies in my arms

at 15 months of age.

After a minor surgery she developed an

acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS)

combined with a fulminant sepsis. Her condition

changed to the worse not only very fast but

entirely unexpected.

I was ready to pack our belongings to go

home after her final examination,

but I wasn´t ready to witness her last 

moments of life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I´m standing next to your bed.

You and I are surrounded by numberless doctors and nurses. Everybody is talking but I don´t understand a single word. I only see you, so small and fragile in that huge bed. Monitors, cords and tubes everywhere.

All of a sudden there is nothing to hear but silence.

Someone pushes me into a rocking chair and you are being released from the technical equipment. I get a blanket  and you are tenderly put into my arms.

Your skin feels warm and incredibly soft, I´m holding your hand while we rock gently.  Your eyes are closed and I have not the vaguest notion that you

won´t ever open them again.

Every once in a while someone holds a

stethoscope onto your chest. 

  Eventually a doctor comes and whispers

that you have gone. I already know. 

Your soul has left your tired little body as quietly

as you have come. In my head I feel a strange

silence, but my body doesn´t belong to me.

The doctor stays with us until the surreal tremble is weakening. I´m holding you for two and a half wonderful hours. Finally a nurse appears

and even though she doesn´t say a word

I know the time has come.

I kiss you for the very last time and thank you for teaching me the lessons of my life. I thank you for coming  into my life and allowing me to be your Mommy. How crucial to know, but in this

world I won´t ever hold you in my

arms again, my precious little Adriana.

 

Your Mommy forever

 

 

 

 

I´ll lend you a Child

by Edgar Guest 

 

„I´ll lend you for a little time a child of mine,“ He said.

For you to love – while she lives

and mourn for when she´s dead.

It may be six or seven years or twenty-two or three,

but will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She´ll bring her smiles to gladden you,

and should this stay be brief

you´ll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay,

since all from earth return.

But there are lessons taught down there

I want this child to learn.

I´ve looked this world over in search for teachers true,

and from the throngs that crowd life´s lanes,

I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love

nor count the labor vain,

nor hate me when I come to call

to take her back again.

I fancied that I heard then say,

„Dear Lord, Thy will be done,

for all the joy thy child shall bring,

the risk of grief we´ll run.

We´ll shelter her with tenderness,

we´ll love her while we may,

and for the happiness we´ve known

forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for her

much sooner than we´ve planned,

we´ll brave the bitter grief that come

and try to understand.“

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mommy,

I just wanted to let you know

that I made it home.

The journey wasn´t an easy one,

but it didn´t take too long.

Everything is so pretty here,

so white, so fresh and new.

I wish that you could close your eyes

and that you could see it too.

Please try not to be sad for me,

try to understand.

God is taking care of me,

I´m in the shelter of His hands.

Here there is no sadness,

no sorrow and no pain.

Here there is no crying

and I´ll never hurt again.

Here it is so peaceful

when all the angels sing.

I really have to go now,

I´ve got to try my wings.

 

Darlene Browning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death of a child

 

Sorry I didn´t get to stay, to laugh and run and play.

To be there by your side, I´m sorry I had to die.

God sent me down to be with you

to make your loving heart a new.

To help you look up and see

Both God and little me.

Mommy I wish I could stay,

like I heard you pray.

But all the angels did cry,

when they told little me good bye.

God didn´t take me because he is mad,

He didn´t send me to make you sad.

But to give us both the chance to be

a love so precious, don´t you see?

Up here no trouble do I see

and pretty angels sing to me.

The streets of gold is where I play,

you´ll come here too someday.

Until that day you join me here

I love you Mommy, my dear.

Each breeze you feel and see

brings love and a kiss from me.

 

Sandy Eakle

 

 

 

 

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